i think my mom watched the whole time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
