I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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