the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
