I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
