There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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