Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
