Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
