No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
