i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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