You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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