I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
