Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
