How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
