Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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