I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
