somebody snuck up and got me drunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
