Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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