let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
