I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
