I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
