I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
