I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
