I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
