you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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