You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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