Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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