Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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