I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
