Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
