Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
