got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
