guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
