I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
