good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
