you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
