i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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