i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
