Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
