she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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