I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
