i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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