I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
