I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You left your phone here
Wait...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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