He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
