I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
