I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
