We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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