I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
