I faked an abortion last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
