i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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