I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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