When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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